Personal Investment

View from Banff Centre

It is very easy to trap oneself, to put oneself in a dark corner.  You try hard at work and at home.  You do all the things you were told you should do.  You try very hard to please others.  In fact, you avoid conflict, especially when you can see the harm and not the good. 

And it becomes a spiral.  You stop telling people about your day or discuss the things that matter.  You do not let anyone know your dreams for fear that they will tell you that you are ridiculous and that you should be doing more practical things.  You stop doing the things you love.  You do not go outdoors.  You do not read good books or work on that story.  You don't call your friends.  You accumulate debts and exclude yourself from events.  You spend a lot of time sleeping and eating, because you are tired. 

And this goes on.  Not for a day, but perhaps months or even years.

Eventually, you see yourself as one big disappointment: to your spouse, your kids, your friends and your colleagues.   You thought you were capable but now you feel easily replaced or even invisible.  You have reached your own personal pit of shame.

You will make attempts to climb out.  You accomplish some task you were afraid to start.  You have a laugh with your spouse.  You meet an old friend.  Your child asks to come with you on an errand.  You feel that you have reappeared, if at least partially.

Then, you get knocked down.  Someone says something negative.  You are dismissed or ignored by someone important.  You break another promise, because you have too many, and you end up apologizing again.  Some trigger is pulled and you fall.  And you start sliding back further into that pit of shame.

Stop it.  

Find some contingencies to have around, especially when you know the trigger is about to be pulled, when things will become rough.  Find a friend to talk to regularly.  The conversation does not and should not be about you. Just be present and be activated.  Pick up an activity that makes you feel confident and competent.  Make it part of your day.  Write about your thoughts so you can collect them and have them with you when you are in those danger place.  Have statements, such as "I will not leave" and "I will not get angry when we talk about money" and "I will be positive today."  Give small gifts daily to important people in life without any expectation.  Come up with your own contingencies.

And invest in yourself.  Make a small exercise plan.  Plan a diet with no fast or fried food. Stop eating out.  Ensure you get plenty of deep sleep.  Eliminate the stress by not taking on so many activities for your work, family or yourself.  Take moments to just breathe in.  Go to beautiful places and enjoy.  Hangout with brilliant and caring people and just listen. 

You can be better, for yourself and others.  But you need to be standing up straight first.